2023 Happened. This is what I learnt.
Reflecting on 2023, I truly cannot believe how fast this year has gone by. In the last 12 months, I have turned 30, travelled overseas 5 times (...I am now broke), fulfilled a massive bucket list goal, and started writing more seriously with this blog. I figured out a routine for myself, worked on some amazing projects (many of which I didn’t get to finish, but more on that later!), and started to really align myself with the next chapter of my life.
The new chapter of my life (aka moving into my 30s) feels more stable and more confident (and a bit lazier too ha). My 20s was all about reaching big goals, proving myself, and doing the best with what I had. I had dreamt of winning big awards, making blockbuster films, being featured in magazines – but now that I’m in this new phase, that part doesn’t seem as important to me anymore. I’m more focused on my own happiness, instead of external validation. It took 3 decades to do it, but here we are. Next year I want to continue on with this attitude, but with a little bit more ambition.
But before we get into 2024. Let’s talk about 2023.
Specifically MY 2023. All in all, I would give 2023 a solid 8/10. I did a lot of things this year – had 3 amazing holidays, worked on 2 successful work events (which were also overseas trips!), saw SUGA of BTS live (twice!), made new friends, tried a bunch of new things, and became more confident in myself.
I had to minus a point because I had a 3 month burnout period which resulted in low self esteem, high anxiety and a great deal of disillusionment (kind of a bummer but I learnt a lot!).
Minus another point because I consumed so much TikTok this year that I felt I was suffering from brain rot. The excess amount of time I spent on TikTok meant I failed a lot of personal habits and projects. I found it quite difficult to see things through in the long term because I couldn’t get any instant gratification from them.
But at the end of the day, 2023 was a solid year from beginning to end, and I was able to appreciate my life for what it was.
My 2023 theme was slow growth and being selfish. How did I do?
Every year I pick a theme, and this year I picked two: ‘Slow Growth’ and ‘Selfish’. In my 2023 blog, I wrote:
For ‘Slow Growth’, I want to take the pressure off EVERYTHING I do. I want to take my time building new habits, and maintaining sustainable growth on my personal projects. For the word ‘Selfish’, I want to spend more time with myself, taking care of my needs, and setting healthy boundaries.
Based on this description, I did quite well. 2023 was really the year where I forgave myself constantly, and surrendered to my new lifestyle. I allowed myself to observe how I did things, how I reacted to changes in my life, and saw how I naturally gravitated towards certain habits. I definitely failed with maintaining personal projects, but it was interesting to observe why – it was a combination of feeling overwhelmed, fear of failure, and not wanting to start something knowing it may not be perfect. I realised this year, the habits I’m able to stick to are the ones I do with other people. I’ll be working towards doing creative projects with/around my friends in the future, even if it means sitting in a room with them in silence and doing my own thing.
I also spent more time this year being ‘selfish’ — and while this sounds extreme, as a born people-pleaser, this really was as simple as setting boundaries, making sure I was thinking about my energy levels first, and being true to myself and others about my personal needs. It just meant that instead of changing my plans to accommodate others, I’d let them know I couldn’t make it, and we’d rearrange times. It meant if I was feeling exhausted I’d let people know that I needed time to myself to reset for a few days. I definitely improved my life with this, but there is a long way to go from here. Even though I spent less time actively reaching out and making plans, I found that I was busier than ever this year. I’ve realised if I go with the flow I will end up busy, which means I need to make conscious actions to put aside time for myself, my projects and my overall needs.
So my theme of 2024 will be… ambition and focus.
The last few years were about creating foundations, developing habits in a small and slow way. Because of that, I really put my bigger ambitions on the backburner, in favour of reestablishing my new lifestyle (new home, new job, new priorities). However, now that I’m settled, I want to push myself a bit more, and at the very least, focus on key areas of my life that I’d like to improve on. I’m going to keep these specific goals to myself, knowing these will evolve as I start the year and live my life.
My theme of “Ambition” is about getting back to the attitude I had before 2020, before COVID-19 happened, before I got burnt out from my last business, and before I questioned how I felt about my goals. There are a lot of cool things I still want to do, and I want to be back in that mindset again, feeling motivated and excited about achieving my goals.
“Focus” goes hand in hand with ambition. I want to think less about everything, put 95% of things I do on autopilot, and use my brain space to improve on a few key areas. Rather than spreading myself too thin, I want to put my energy into specific goals, and continue to improve in them. Last year, my focus was probably at its worst. I was so distracted by the short bursts of dopamine from TikTok and other social media channels. I spent a lot of time procrastinating with things that didn’t matter so I wouldn’t have to face the real challenges of the things that did. I want to cut that dead time by 70% and use it to be present and focused.
Knowing these words will be my core theme for 2024, it makes me really excited for the things I will do next year.
2023 was about letting things go and gaining inner peace
All the years since 2019 have been filled with so many ups and downs that thinking about them makes me feel dizzy. I went through so many different phases during that period that I never had the chance to let go of the negative feelings (and people associated with them).
So in 2023, I tied up a lot of loose ends from the previous years (emotionally), so I was able to build an even stronger mental foundation for myself – leaving a lot of room to develop my own sense of inner peace. This year I really started to familiarise myself with my own base level of happiness – the feeling of contentment from simply being me. So if I added something new to my life that decreased that level, I could clearly see it was something that I had to be wary of. Now that I’ve spent over a year in my most peaceful and (now) ‘normal’ state, if anything really affects my emotional levels, I have a good baseline to compare it with. I’ll probably think to myself, “Remember when you were really happy in 2023? Why not now?”
I realised I start a lot of things and never finish them
This year it became so clear to me that I often start a lot of things with big expectations, big energy, and I never find the time or need to finish them. It’s quite rare for me to finish big projects – they often fizzle after a few weeks and I start another project or I prioritise other things. This year I worked on my ‘100 Day Project’. I read the book, got super pumped and inspired, and tackled my Debbbag branding project (and got pretty far!). I was really happy with it, but never got around to finalising it.
I started a Discord channel at the suggestion of one of my followers (I never really used Discord outside of this), and it failed pretty quickly because it wasn’t something that came naturally to me. Even though I love it in theory, It just felt like more work, and posting messages into the void with no interaction was quite discouraging. I didn’t really know how to run a community, and doing this on top of needing to design was just more work.
If I’ve learned anything from this experience, I often start things but then overcomplicate them. Am I trying to do a 30 day drawing challenge? Yes. But it’s just not drawing for 30 days. I have to plan a social media schedule, with posts to IG stories, grid, Twitter and also make progress videos on TikTok. I usually get overwhelmed by all of this, and I feel awful that I’m not able to achieve all of it. If I choose to do this, I’ll be conscious of where I post and build my energy. I’ll also spend more time doing “one-shots”, instead of series. Even if I’m writing on this blog, the idea of doing an ongoing series already discourages me to continue doing it. I find it more interesting just doing things in the moment.
The only thing for me that makes things long term and sustainable is not letting other people down
This year was a big year for building habits. I started swimming again, I continued playing badminton with my friends, and I joined a Kpop dance class. I was able to maintain these more difficult habits because there was someone I needed to account for. I don’t want to be a no-show or flake – whereas the habits that I tried to do alone (drawing, yoga, graphic design) were the ones that easily fell by the wayside because there was no real consequence if I missed out on a week.
In 2024, I’m going to make a conscious effort to work with other people in a relaxed setting and draw in their presence. Kind of like a craft/art day. Having a consistent partner who wants to show up and do things alongside you is so important, and now that we are getting busier, having consistent hangouts like these is an easy way to get things done but still have that social time.
I need to feel the way about drawing that I do about writing
Speaking of drawing, I need to stop making drawing such a daunting experience. While I draw, I do really enjoy it. Especially when things are going right. But when I hit a slight rut, my motivation goes down and I start to think about how I’m such a failure. For me personally, drawing has a lot of emotional weight associated with it. It’s the reason why I was motivated to become a designer, it’s the foundation of a lot of my big goals – so I want to be good at it. When the expectation is to be extremely good at something you know you’re not good at (yet), it can be daunting to keep going because you don’t want to face the reality that you may never be good, no matter how hard you try.
Writing however, is the exact opposite. I don’t see myself as a good writer, and frankly, I don’t need to be. I don’t actively try to improve at writing, even though I do my best to clearly communicate my point of view and what I need to say when I write a blog. There’s definitely no pressure when it comes to writing. It’s something I do purely for fun, for self expression, and to relax.
I realised a few weeks ago that I need to change my mindset around drawing. It needs to be something I look forward to and not dread. I need to eliminate the pressure or expectations I have around drawing – because the less I draw the less I improve, but the pressure of needing to be perfect at drawing is hindering the amount of practice I do. Whether I can change a 30 year mindset is unknown to me, but in 2024 I’m going to try!
I was suffering from TikTok brain rot, to the point where I held a lot of cynicism and negative energy
This year the TikTok brain rot was in full force. I’ve noticed the more stressed I am, the more I would find myself on TikTok, scrolling for hours. It became so severe that I wasn’t able to focus at all during my day.
I also noticed an attitude change – I became more cynical and negative, which was a feeling I didn’t want to hold onto for very long. I genuinely got so exhausted watching TikTok that I deleted the app (which is BIG!). A lot of my friends were genuinely surprised I did, but I really had reached my limit.
What happened next? I actually got shit done. I was so much more productive, I started enjoying other pieces of media, and I was feeling less angry about things. I slept better, and woke up more refreshed. It definitely opened my eyes to the amount of videos I was consuming every day. I also realised that scrolling for 5 hours felt like the same hour of content on repeat.
After that 1 month break, I did download TikTok again (it is literally my job to know the latest trends), but I started limiting my time to 1 hour per day. It’s more than enough time to be entertained, but not too much that I’m feeling dizzy from the amount of content I’m consuming.
I will prioritise work and my social calendar above personal creative endeavours
In the last 12 months, I have realised that my own personal projects are always at the bottom of my priority list. My day-to-day work has busy periods during the year, and at that point I’m pretty much MIA because I’m so focused on the job. My social calendar is also more important than my own personal needs or projects.
The biggest reason is – the sense of accountability in both work and social events. There are a lot of people who rely on me to show up, follow through and get things done. I want to apply this mindset to my personal projects too, and make sure I am able to give myself space to be creative and not let things fall behind.
I don't like being perceived
This is a really weird realisation coming from someone who posts on social media and writes a very personal (but public) blog, but I’m really weird about people knowing things about me. I do however, want to post content to (1) document my personal creative progress, (2) help people out with my insights, and (3) have my work on a public forum so people can see my work in a casual way. I think not wanting to be perceived relates to my naturally socially anxious nature, the desire to not ‘disrupt’ anyone’s day, or be annoying. In 2024, I want to learn to be okay with people seeing me, my thoughts, and my work.
I found the balance of being honest but also not oversharing (and I’m still working on it!)
Despite what I just said before, in real life I am a natural oversharer, especially when I’m in an awkward social setting. I'd much rather say something intimate about myself instead of sitting in silence (can anyone else relate?).
When I was growing up, I thought that being ‘private’ meant that I was being dishonest or secretive (which is bad!). So I developed a compulsion to tell people a lot about myself because I didn’t want to come off as a bad or untrustworthy person, even if THEY hadn’t earned my trust yet.
In the last couple of years, I noticed I tend to overshare because I want to increase the feeling of connection between myself and strangers — if someone knows something intimate about me they must be my friend right? (Well…no.)
This year, particularly through this blog, I think I really struck a balance between honesty, useful learnings, and not oversharing. Are the things I put on this blog personal? Of course, this is kind of like my public diary. But also at the same time, this tone is very comfortable for me. I’m not bringing in drama, exposing anything – yet these are my learnings. I’m still working on making it feel compelling, but that will come in due time.
I have an automatic dislike for anything that turns into a J-O-B
When things start to feel like work, I tend to stop doing it altogether. And the bad thing is, I can easily turn anything into a job. That’s just what I do. I’m so focused on future planning, I have an ambitious side, and even if I start drawing I’m already subconsciously thinking about ways to monetise it. I think that’s why I tend to drop off things very easily, because the pipeline from experimental hobby to work slog is so quick for me. If something starts to feel like an obligation, the people-pleaser in me starts to feel resentful that I’ve become a slave to another thing I didn’t really want to do. In 2024, I really want to isolate the amount of things that will turn into jobs, and just enjoy the hobbies for what they are.
I need to stop telling people my goals or plans before I achieve them
As mentioned earlier, I’m a major oversharer, and I tend to tell people my goals, or what I’m working on before I finish it. This is an incredibly bad habit for me – for a few reasons:
There's a study that shows that people who talk about their goals to others get the same satisfaction as completing them, so they are less likely to actually achieve them because they get the validation early on.
It’s kinda embarrassing saying I’m to do something and not even get close to finishing it. I’d rather tell people after I’ve achieved the goal.
I’d rather underpromise and overdeliver – and I want my work to speak for itself.
The people pleasing and impostor syndrome still remains
After 30 years of being alive, I’ve accepted that I’ll always be some sort of people-pleaser. I’m trying to slowly unlearn it, but I don’t know if it’ll be something that ever goes away. Same with imposter syndrome. No matter how much experience I get, I still dread that people will figure out I’m not as good as they think I am. This year I’ve come to accept these feelings are 30 years in the making, and moving away from these thoughts will not be an overnight change. It’s something I’ll challenge within myself, but it will take some time.
I learned that my attachment style has been hindering my mindset and relationships
The biggest revelation I had this year was about my attachment style. I already knew my attachment style was “anxious”, but this year I really had the chance to dig deep into how it was affecting my life. I’ve heard about attachment styles before (via TikTok and YouTube), but this year I read a book called “Attached” and it was so incredibly eye opening. I was equating my own self worth with other people’s behaviours – even when they weren’t connected at all. I realised the extent of my anxious attachment style, and how I had adopted so many bad habits and uncomfortable behaviours over the years.
I would highly recommend reading this book, even if you don’t feel like you need it, you’ll learn a lot about yourself and the people around you. (To be honest, when I was reading the “anxious” chapter, it felt like I was reading my biography. And when I was reading the “avoidant” section, I could directly correlate people I knew with those behaviours, and I realised how they had treated me wasn’t personal, it was just their attachment style).
Another insight I had was realising my attachment style wasn’t a result of my upbringing or childhood (thanks Mum and Dad for making me feel secure!), but a lot of the relationships I had in my 20s. It gave me hope that I could unlearn these behaviours, as long as I was around people who made me feel secure.
I spend too much time wanting to quickly take things off my to do list, and waiting for things to end.
I’m always busy – I feel like I’m rushing through my to-do’s constantly, a list that never ends. I never have nothing to do, and it stresses me out a little. So even if I have a “day off” with no plans, I am always ticking something off my to-do list or catching up on admin.
This means I’m never truly relaxed, I’m always anticipating the next task, or the next event. I feel like I’m running out of time constantly, and rarely feel present. This is a really poor mindset to have, because it means I can’t focus and I’m always in a state of anxiety – worrying that I’m wasting time. Because of this, I tend to be impulsive in order to get through my life quickly – I prioritise the wrong tasks so I can tick them off my list, I buy things for convenience as soon as possible instead of waiting for a sale, or I say yes to things to get them “out of the way”.
Rushing through experiences isn’t the life I want to live, I want to spend more time enjoying my life right now, instead of worrying about what I’ll do in the future.
I didn’t have enough time for myself
As mentioned earlier, this year I prioritised my social calendar and work over time on my own. Even though I’m an introvert, I was always doing something, and my weekends (and weeknights) were always booked. When I wasn’t doing something – any time I had at home I was sleeping and recharging my social battery.
But now, especially since it’s the holidays I’m starting to feel the mental exhausting creeping in. I’m quite close to feeling burnt out, and I feel like I need to proactively spend more time on my own. I see my “Deb time” split in 4 categories:
Admin time: Catching up on my to do list, resetting, checking emails, cleaning
Indulgent time: Pure rest, watching YouTube, a random movie, sleeping, TikTok, whatever I want to do
Project time: Working on a personal project or design task, reading, writing
Active time (rare!): Taking myself on a date, going to a gallery or restaurant alone, enjoying something social at my own pace
Nowadays, I spend whatever time I have alone doing admin or indulging, but I want to spend more time doing projects, which is the next step. I think once I’ve achieved that consistently I will be more open to spending more active time on my own.
I tend to keep myself busy to procrastinate on the things that really matter
If I had to name my core toxic trait of 2023, it would be “keeping myself busy to avoid the things I truly want to do”. For example: I fill up my social calendar, I spend 4 hours a day watching YouTube videos and TikTok – rationalising it as my “job” (it kinda is), and take on random craft projects to prolong the big things I want to pursue in life. Since my theme next year is all about focus – I will not allow myself to be distracted by anything else other than my core goals.
I need to limit how much time I spend on things, even if I’m in a creative flow
One thing I really want to try in 2024 is spending more time growing at a consistent, but incremental level. As I mentioned earlier, I often adopt a mindset of “needing to get things out the way” or “finishing them once and for all”, which means I see a lot of things as “one-offs”, not as skills I want to improve consistently over time.
For example, instead of aiming to sit down on a Saturday and writing for 5 hours straight, it would be more sustainable to do 1 hour a day, 5 times a week. It means I’m not dedicating my Saturday to 1 thing, and I have 5 chances in the week to contribute to the habit (so if I miss a couple days, I still wrote for 3 hours, whereas if I miss out on the Saturday, I wouldn’t have written anything at all). Also, If I limit my time writing to only 1 hour, it feels like a way less daunting task as well.
The changes in 2024 I want to make
After this year, I realised there’s tiny little changes I want to implement in my life:
Reset at the end of every day – do a 10 minute tidy, so things don't pile up at the end of the week
Don’t fall into the trap of taking naps on the couch at 9pm. Just stay awake, do something, and then go to bed an hour later.
Focus on 1-3 key areas for 2024 – don’t keep adding on random side quests, especially if they are more than a week long commitment
Give myself time back – this means 3 weeknights to myself (no plans with ANYONE), and 1 weekend-night to myself (this has been surprisingly hard this year). Block out 1 day at the beginning of the month to be a “Deb day”, where I sit down and plan my life.
Spend less money, declutter, wait for sales – don’t spend unnecessarily
I need to manage my job’s crunch time better, and balance my work and deadlines with the other important things in my life
Feel more present in what I’m doing, instead of thinking about the future too much. (Perhaps do my future planning confidently, so I’m not anxious about what’s next)
Watch less TikTok (limit to 1 hour per day), and get more sleep
Find an art friend, so I can be more accountable with my drawing
Write a 5-10 minute daily reflection in my Hobonichi planner, so I have some time to be present about my day
This blog is over 4000 words, so if you actually got to the end, thank you for reading! I hope you have the most wonderful New Year!
x Deb